I look at Him. He looks at me. We are happy.

Dear friend,

• Are you ever frustrated by your lack of strength, energy, or stamina?

• Do you ever get discouraged when you can't do what the other kids can do?

• Do you ever feel "less than" when some weakness or limitation prevents you from accomplishing everything you expect of yourself?

• Have you noticed that getting old is for the birds?

I had some really, really wonderful and exciting plans for 2024, and I may still get to do some of them, but so far I've had to cancel or delay most of the things on my calendar.

So many good things going on in my life, but my body decided to revolt on me this year. So much pain, so many medical appointments, so many medications that may or may not work, so many excruciating treatments. One surgery down, one to go. I’m trying to be a patient patient, but I've got places to go, things to do, and people to see!

There are times when I suddenly see the paper I'm writing on is getting wet and blurring my words, because I don’t even notice anymore when the tears are flowing. There are times when my body won't stop shaking from the pain. Multiple times a day I cry out (trying to scream quietly if the windows are open) when it gets too much. My current mantra is: “It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.”

“You have taken account of my wanderings;

Put my tears in Your bottle.

Are they not in Your book?”

(Psalm 56:8)

But this has also been a season of laughter. It’s hard to explain, but there's been an undercurrent of unshakable joy even in unrelenting pain. I find humor in the midst of daily life. There are so many ridiculous little things that make me smile, chuckle, or laugh out loud. My heart is lifted by friends who come alongside me, often surprising me with love and support and hilarity exactly when I need it.

“In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” (Romans 8:26-27)

There are seasons when we can go "flat out like a lizard drinking" as we say in Australia.

There are seasons when we need to rest in the palm of his hand.

There are days I can accomplish an amazing workload.

There are days I can barely walk across a room.

But God doesn't waste a thing. Even our pain. The hours I have to spend hunkered under a weighted heating pad because the pain is too severe are not wasted hours. In that darkness, He meets me.

In this secluded place I meet a king.

He comes alone to drink reality with me.

Sometimes we talk, sometimes we sit

And sip a life that passes by the crowd.

As inwardness is born—a felted thing

Of power—a commonality of grace—

A union where unmended hopes are knit

Where silence roars as quiet sings aloud.

Oh Christ, I love it here! It is our place.

Speak Lord or not. Touch me or not.

Show then Your will or bid me wait in patient grace.

Fill all my hungry need with joy again.

With simple loaves of bread and chaliced wine

Heaven, earth, and all of God are mine.

           --Calvin Miller (A Hunger for the Holy)

A beautiful, simple, deeply profound quote from a dear saint today: “I look at Him. He looks at me. We are happy.”

He meets us wherever we are. And my prayer is always, “Lord meet me where I am, and take me where I need to be.”

Grace and peace,

Linda

P.S. I have surgery scheduled May 30th. Please, please pray they would move it up. Even a week or two would help tremendously. So grateful for those on the prayer team who keep lifting me up. Let me know if you want to join the team.

Upcoming and Ongoing:

• We invite anyone to join the Psalm One Bible Study on Tuesday nights in 1 Peter. This study meets online (with in-person gatherings for the locals) and is for men and women, married, and single, anyone who wants to know the Word and walk with Jesus. Everyone is welcome Tuesday at 7:30 pm Eastern Time whether you come every week or drop in every once in a while. Sign up to stay in the loop: https://www.psalmone.org/tuesday-night-bible-study

• Mark your calendar now to join us for the next Refocus and Refuel Retreat June 28-30 in Cincinnati. This is for men and women, anyone who needs to let the dust settle long enough to rest, recover, remember, rebound, restore, revive, and reboot. https://www.psalmone.org/refocus-and-refuel

• Thank you for understanding that my availability and capacity has varied a lot the last few months. I appreciate your kindness and patience. A lot of things are in the air right now. More events will be scheduled once I get past this season.

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains"

Pain. How’s that for a fun topic?

No one is exempt. You know how life sometimes gangs up on you all at once? I’ve had some major medical issues hit me and I’ve been in unrelenting pain for months.

Some of my favorite people are currently in a lot of pain. My heart breaks for friends with physical pain, chronic illness, emotional struggles, mental anguish, grief, marital strife, heartbreak over children and family members, terminal diagnoses, and loss of all kinds. Always remember the meme: “Be kind. You have no idea what someone is going through. You may walk past someone who's just trying to hold it together.”

We can't compare one person's pain with another. One thing we must never say to a friend in pain is, "I know exactly how you feel." No. You don't. You really don’t. You know how you felt going through a similar situation. But everyone has different circumstances, a different temperament, a different support system, and a different physiological makeup.

Several years ago, I became quite ill and I really wanted to have coffee with Job. Not to ask how he handled reconciling the character of God with his pain and suffering. God’s tangible presence was as close as my heartbeat. I wanted to know how he kept from slapping people.

I have amazing, wonderful, supportive friends who've come alongside me over and over. I’ve had incredible people come out of the woodwork to help in practical ways. I've also had friends tell me I'm not really in pain--I just think I am. I’ve had friends who’ve told me to suck it up. I’ve had a lot of gossip and unsolicited medical advice. I've had a lot of people tell me why it’s my fault. I've had friends explain that God had to inflict pain on me, because otherwise I won't listen to Him. I’ve had people pinpoint my obvious unconfessed sin and rebellion that brought on my well-deserved suffering. Quite a few people tell me I don’t have enough faith. I've had people tell me all I have to do is take this one supplement which cures everything, and lo and behold: they sell it, and it's only $250 for the first month’s supply.

“Now when Job's three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, they came each one from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite; and they made an appointment together to come to sympathize with him and comfort him. When they lifted up their eyes at a distance and did not recognize him, they raised their voices and wept. And each of them tore his robe and they threw dust over their heads toward the sky. Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great.” (Job 2:11-13)

They sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him for they saw that his pain was very great. What a powerful ministry of presence to a hurting friend. The problem began when they decided they would explain God’s actions and motives and clarify why all this was Job’s fault.

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18) Have you have experienced this closeness with God when you’re hurting?

I remember being alone in a treatment room at Cleveland Clinic, hooked up to all kinds of big, loud, frightening machines. I could feel I was being held firmly in the palm of God's hand. I could actually reach down and touch His thumb against me. I was experiencing “the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension” (Philippians 4:7) to such a supernatural extent that the nurse thought I’d somehow gotten ahold of some contraband tranquilizers.

I lean in and I can hear His heartbeat. As Kate Bowler said, "The sicker I got, the more God's love bubbled up beneath me. God's presence is assured when we are scared or lonely or unsure." I’ve often been scared and lonely and unsure. But I have found the reality of God’s presence to be true. Have you?

Pain can be a blessing. It stops us in our tracks. It focuses our attention. “We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

There's absolute garbage theology out there that says if you're really walking with God, you will never suffer, you have lots of money, and you deserve special favor that means you are exempt from the troubles others suffer. To which I ask, “Have any of you read the Bible?”

Instead of asking “Why me? “, our question should be “Why not me?” “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you.” (1 Peter 4:12)

We are eager to experience Philippians 3:10, “that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection” until we get to “and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death”. We really want to know Him, and the power of his resurrection, but no thank you to the fellowship of his sufferings. Two out of three is plenty.

It is very discouraging to not be able to do what the other kids do. I have places to go, things to do, and people to see. I have some really wonderful and exciting plans in 2024. But God alone knows if I will be able to do them. Please pray that the tests, treatments, surgeries, and specialists can help diagnose and fix me in the coming months. And pray for patience and peace whether or not healing comes.

Whatever pain we experience in life, may it drive us to reach for the hem of His robe. May it draw us into intimacy with the only One who truly understands every facet of our pain. Our friends and loved ones may try to understand, but Jesus is the only one who has been down in our hole with us. May we cling to the One who will bring our final healing:

“And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." (Revelation 21:3-4)

Grace and peace,

Linda

Upcoming and Ongoing:

• We’re starting a new Psalm One Bible Study on Tuesday night in 1 Peter. This study meets online (with in-person gatherings for the locals) and is for men and women, married, and single, anyone who wants to know the Word and walk with Jesus. Everyone is welcome Tuesday at 7:30 pm Eastern Time whether you come every week or every once in a while. Sign up to stay in the loop: https://www.psalmone.org/tuesday-night-bible-study

• We just enjoyed a truly wonderful Sisterhood of the Fishbowl Pastors’ Wives Soul Care Retreat in Cincinnati. And we are gearing up to have another in Green Lake, Wisconsin April 19-21. We’re also meeting online every Thursday night at 7:30pm Eastern Time. This is a lifeline of genuine friendship, support, encouragement, prayer, and quite a lot of laughter. https://www.psalmone.org/pastors-wives 

• Mark your calendar now to join us for the next Refocus and Refuel Retreat June 28-30 in Cincinnati. This is for men and women, anyone who needs to let the dust settle long enough to rest, recover, remember, rebound, restore, revive, and reboot. https://www.psalmone.org/refocus-and-refuel

A new year. A clean slate. A clear vision. A renewed mind. An obedient heart.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Psalm 51:10

A new year. A clean slate. A clear vision. A renewed mind. An obedient heart.

• What do you want to bring with you from 2023?

• What do you want to leave behind? Do you want to set a bonfire to burn away some aspects of 2023?

• What do you want to be different in 2024?

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:1-2)

The problem with being a living sacrifice is I have a tendency to crawl off that altar and take matters into my own hands. That doesn’t always go so well. God and God alone knows what 2024 holds for me. I don’t want to do this on my own with my limited understanding and mixed motives.

I don't know about you, but my new year's resolutions don't always create lasting change. I want to start 2024 with surrender. There is true freedom in beginning a new year with open hands, ready to release my burdens and illusion of control, ready to receive from the Hands of the One who knows me far better than I know myself. He alone knows what is good and acceptable and perfect.

All to Jesus I surrender; all to him I freely give

I will ever love and trust him; in his presence daily live

I surrender all, I surrender all.

All to thee, my blessed savior; I surrender all

(Judson W. Van DeVenter)

May we begin 2024 with open hands.

Grace and peace,

Linda

Psalm One is here to help you grow and be strengthened in your walk with Jesus. Everything (except the pastors’ wives events) is for men and women, married and single, anyone who wants a closer relationship with God…

• Begin 2024 with a clear mind and a full tank. Could you use a fresh reboot? Come away for the January 19-21 Refocus and Refuel Retreat to rest, revel, relax, recollect, reconsider, revive, return, recommit, remember, receive, recover and rejoice. “I have stilled and quieted my soul” (Psalm 131:2) For more information and to register for this Cincinnati event: https://www.psalmone.org/refocus-and-refuel

• Who’s invited? Men and women, anyone hungry for a deeper connection to Jesus. 48 hours to let the whirlwind cease, to let the noise subside, to let the dust settle, to be able to discern the important from the urgent, to keep what is valuable, to let the chaff blow away.

• What do we do? The weekend begins with time in the Word, considering state of our souls, and heart preparation. We end with time in the Word, reflecting on what God has been whispering, and prayer as we return home. In between these gatherings, we are in complete silence except for great conversation and lots of laughter over meals and meeting with me for spiritual direction, prayer, or just a listening ear if desired.

• When: January 19-21, Friday until Sunday.

• Where: Cincinnati, Ohio. Your own private room and bathroom. Delicious meals. Beautiful quiet space to stretch out, gorgeous chapel, scenic neighborhood to walk, wander, pray, process, and be refreshed.

• How much? $225 ($275 after January 4) which includes all housing, meals and materials.  Space is limited and we cannot hold your spot until paid in full, so register now!

• The Psalm One Bible Study. Could you use time in the Word and encouragement to keep your head, heart, and hands following hard after God? Join an encouraging, joyful community of men and women from all over the US and sometimes the other side of the planet Tuesdays at 7:30pm ET. Those who are local get together for meals and in-person  fellowship. Sign up to stay in the loop to receive the links and resources: https://www.psalmone.org/tuesday-night-bible-study The Bible study resumes on January 16.

• Soul Care Retreats for Pastors’ Wives:

A large part of what I do within Psalm one is to come alongside pastors, missionaries, and their families. Ministry is a great privilege, but it also has unique stressors. Where can a ministry wife who is trying to juggle ministry, marriage, children, career, home, and so many other hats go for a safe place of friendship, support, fun, and a listening ear? Our soul care retreats have become a lifeline and a shot in the arm for these amazing women who love Jesus, the church, and their families.

How can you help?

·         Invite a pastor’s wife from your church. https://www.psalmone.org/pastors-wives

·         Help us provide scholarships and blessings.  https://www.psalmone.org/donate  Please designate donation for “Ministry to Pastoral Families” on the drop-down menu or your check.

·         Pray for those on the front lines of ministry. Respond with “Prayer Team for Ministry Families”

For pastors’ wives:

Scroll down for info and to register: https://www.psalmone.org/pastors-wives. This is for any woman married to a full-time pastor, no matter which multiple hats she wears. You may be pastoring, teaching, counseling, working elsewhere, raising kids, or using your gifts in a myriad of ways. This is a relaxed getaway for you to be heard, refueled, and encouraged with others who understand the weird and wonderful world of ministry life.

·         Cincinnati, Ohio: February 9-11, 2024

·         Green Lake, Wisconsin: April 19-21, 2024

• Thursday night “Sisterhood of the Fishbowl” Pastors’ Wives Encouragement at 7:30pm ET. Join us for laughter, sharing, mutual support, prayer, time in the Word, and genuine friendship with others who understand the wonderful, weird, and woolly life in the ministry. Sign up at https://www.psalmone.org/pastors-wives to stay in the loop.

Hope to see you somewhere along the way!